


Musings

by yurimaxwell



Category: Ao Haru Ride
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-21
Updated: 2020-07-21
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:01:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 934
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25428826
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yurimaxwell/pseuds/yurimaxwell
Summary: Short Futaba POV One-shot.
Relationships: Mabuchi Kou/Yoshioka Futaba
Comments: 2
Kudos: 17





	Musings

**Author's Note:**

  * For [the Kou that got away](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=the+Kou+that+got+away).



> Disclaimer: I don't own Ao Haru Ride

mus·ing /ˈmyo͞oziNG/ a period of reflection or thought

* * *

I sneak a glance at you, grateful that where I sit makes it easy for me to do so. Since you returned, it felt as if everything was against us. How can something I wished so hard for also cause so much confusion and pain? Was it really just me who thought that we could pick up where we left off? I always thought that if I saw you again, everything will be alright. You tell me you loved me and tell me in the same breath that you no longer do. You tell me that we were no longer the same us who fell in love in middle school. We had changed. Maybe we did. What you say makes sense. It's been three years after all. But why do I react to you the same way? Why is it so hard to breathe when you are near? Why does my heart still know you and beat for you?

Our eyes meet. Who do you see when you see me? Why does it feel like you are not seeing me even if your eyes are looking into mine? It hurts because I see you. I see your loneliness and your pain. You tell me he is no longer there but still I see the boy I used to know. I see him in your eyes when you get caught off guard. And I see the boy you are now. You tease me and make fun of me, something you never used to do. But you also helped me. You were there when I needed someone to defend me, someone to be there for me. You made me cry but you also wiped away my tears. You say that the-you-then and the-you-now are not the same. Maybe you are right. But I love both. I love you. All of you.

How can you stand so close and yet make me feel like you are miles away? How can you not have words to say to me when I have volumes in my head? Why won't you let me get close enough to understand? Why do you keep pushing me away when your eyes beg me to come near?

Our feelings swirl around us like a storm. It used to scare me, unused to the tempest when what we used to have was summer rain. But now I revel in the intensity and welcome the flashes of light and deafening thunder. It is different but also the same. Love. I love you. And somehow I think you love me too. I have never felt more alive.

Your lips against mine make the world stop. Nothing else exists except you and me. In stories, kisses signal the start of the happy ending. But our kisses always end with me in tears and you much farther away than before.

I smile in spite of the tears. I hold your hand even when I know I will get hurt. I know I can't even begin to understand what you've been through. But I let you know that I am here. I shine a light for you. The night had to end didn't it? I know you would find your way back. And I will be here waiting.

You try to make your way back to me. The promise. 7:00 pm. Sankaku Park by the clock. 

But the past just had to rear its ugly head. She pulls you back. I try to keep it and her away but I don’t win. I finally see my love mirrored in your eyes. But it’s no longer enough. Your lips give me lies, lies you do not even bother to deny. And I break. 

He is kind, warm. He promised to give me freely what you can’t. A gift. A way to move forward. And I wonder. Can kindness replace the void you refuse to fill? Can his warmth keep the storm at bay?

I am not perfect. I get tired too. And I have reached the point where I can no longer hold the pieces of me together. I can also be won by kindness, by warmth. And sometimes, like the song, there are days when love just ain’t enough. 

The winds die down. All is quiet but I still don’t see the stars. The puzzle is complete but the picture is all wrong. He is not you and never will be. No one could ever take your place. My heart refuses to let our love go.

7:00 pm. Sankaku Park by the clock. Is the third time really the charm? 

No, the third time was not the charm. But like every misstep we’ve had, it still somehow brought you closer to me. It’s actually ironic how the time I almost lost you was also the time I found you. You tell me how it has always been me. And how it will always be me. You will always be my side. 

I sneak a glance at you, grateful for this second chance we had been given. We were never able to pick up where we left off. Both of us have changed and we can never go back. But your eyes still look at me with that same intensity. My heart still leaps at your smile. I finally hear the words of love returned. A lot more things will change as our world turns. But I trust in what we have. What we found that rainy day back in middle school was real. And we will never let go.


End file.
